I like to nickname people and things that I am a fan of. It makes me feel a more personal connection to whatever it is I’m nicknaming. This is especially true in sports. Some players come with ready-made nicknames, such as Big Z or Demp.
However, I like nicknames that are a little more creative, or perhaps obscure. Let’s have a little rundown of some of my favorite nicknames from around the MLB.
Chicago Cubs: Koyie Hill – Not only is Koyie the Patron Player of Two FoulWeather Fans, Kiki has also nicknamed him Okie and Chicken Claw. Jeff Samardzija – Affectionately known as Spellcheck and Spellcheck of the Caribbean. Carlos Marmol – Owner and proprietor of the Marmol Coaster. Tony Campana – Richochet Rabbit. Darwin Barney – Kiki calls him Double Bubble, I call him Starvin’ Barbie. James Russell and Justin Berg – The Beard Twins. Reed Johnson – REEEEEEED!!! Geovany Soto – … and his fabulous hair. Blake DeWitt – … of the Foo Fighting Pearl Jammers (I’m convinced he wears a flannel and Doc Marten’s under his uniform).
San Francisco Giants: Brian Wilson – Everyone else calls him Weezy, but I call him Clownshoes. Why? Because of his GIANT ORANGE CLOWNSHOES (pictured below in all their clownshoes gloriousness). It’s also appropriate to call him Wooly Weezy, just like Wooly Willy. Tim Lincecum – It’s completely obvious, but Timmy Jim, thanks to his Big Time Timmy Jim ESPN commercial. Mike Fontenot – Little Fontenot, because he is little and named Fontenot. Madison Bumgarner – God Damn Bumgarner. Jeremy Affeldt – Jeremy Affidavit. Pat Burrell – Schneider Burrell (he reminds me of Schneider from One Day At A Time, if he would just grow a mustache).
Around the Majors: Jayson Werth – … smells like salty garbage. Go ahead, smell him, you know he does. Hunter Pence – King Dork. Edgar Rentaria – I don’t practice Renteria. Travis Ishikawa – Travis Wang Yang (You have to be a WWE fan to get that one). Corey Hart – Parking lot bully, because he looks like he mugs fans outside the stadium for Slim Jims and Gatorade. Seriously, take a look at him while he’s playing and you’ll see he’s got the crazy eyes. Lance Berkman – Fat Elvis. I also recently realized that Lance resembles NASCAR driver Elliott Sadler.
Prince Fielder – … and his gravitational pull. The below video is what I imagine him doing in the locker room during rain delays.